Avoid Using “Always” and “Never”.

Many people, when they are involved in a conflict with other people will accuse them of

“always” doing something or “never” doing something. People rarely never or always do

anything. We may have habits, but for the most part, people are pretty flexible. When

you accuse someone of always doing something or never doing something you are

automatically putting them on the defensive and are escalating the conflict.

 

 

 

Use “I” instead of “You” in your conflict.

Instead of being accusatory towards the other individual in the conflict why not tell them

how the conflict is making you feel? The other person can argue with you if you tell them

something about themselves.

 

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If you can, as they say, head the conflict off at the pass, before it gets to be a huge problem, you

are one step ahead of the game. In order to be able to do this, you have to understand how to

learn the warning signs of conflict. Once you recognize the warning signs of conflict, then you

will know how to be able to mitigate the factors that are resulting in the conflict.

Some of the early warning signs of a conflict are:

Behavior Changes

Lack of Communication

Lack of productivity in work or home

You may first notice behavior changes in another person that begin to escalate towards conflict.

For example, if you work with another person with whom you have lunch every day and they

suddenly stop having lunch with you, this can lead to conflict.

The behavior changes are usually coupled with lack of communication. Both precipitate a

conflict. The lack of communication, when coupled...

One of the heaviest burdens that you can carry is a grudge. Carrying a grudge is destructive to

your health as it causes undue stress. Most people who end up carrying a grudge will find that

the anger that they have built up over the years takes a toll on not only their mental health, but

their physical health as well.  One of the most emotionally competent things that you can do is to learn

to forgive. If you cannot learn to forgive, there is no moving forward in your life. You will continue to

live in the past and relive slights that took place years ago.  The past is gone.  There is nothing that you can do to get it

back again.  If you hold on to the anger that you felt in the past, it is unhealthy for you. 

 

 

 

Forgive yourself and others and move on with your life. When you do this, you will achieve

emotional competence.

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Empathy is when you put yourself in the shoes of someone else and imagine how they feel. Apathy is when you feel nothing. Sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone. Empathy is the strongest of these personality traits that we should all feel in our lifetime in most or all situations. Being able to empathize with others is one way to be able to truly build healthy relationships and resolve conflicts. If you can see the point of view of the other person, you have a better chance of resolving the conflict to everyone's advantage. If you can only see your own point of view, you will not only have problem resolving conflicts, but with any sort of communication as well.

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...

How many times have you done or said the following: -Ignored a conflict that you had with a colleague only to take it out on a subordinate? -Did something that you really didn't want to do because you didn't want to make someone else mad? -Told off an innocent clerk in a store because you were really angry at someone or something else? -Avoided telling someone that you didn't want to see them anymore because you were afraid of their reaction and how it would affect you? -Had thoughts of revenge against a customer who treated you badly? -Had to listen to a customer who was abusive in an effort to keep your job? -Been abusive to a spouse or family member, either verbally or physically, because you were angry at something else? -Went along with a plan that you didn't like just to avoid conflict and then felt resentful the entire time? -Ran away from conflict by burying yourself in work or just ignoring the facts? -Lied about there being “nothing wrong” just because you don't want to take the trouble to examine the conflict?...

1. Think about your last conflict. How did you handle it?

2. How could you have handled it better?

3. Think of someone who you admire and how they handle conflict. What would they have

done?

4. What is the first step that you need to take to improve your conflict style?.

5. Realize that your values and beliefs have validity but that they are not the only values

and opinions in the world. That other people have different core beliefs and values.

6. Set a goal on examining your next conflict. If you fly off the handle easily, be aware of

that and behave just the opposite. You may walk away to keep yourself from screaming

at someone.

7. If you are passive or passive aggressive, recognize that you have to begin to voice your

opinions and that you have the right to do so.

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...

What happens if your idea goes over like a lead balloon? What happens if no one is interested in your idea? Do you continue to persist and for how long? While it is always good to be persistent, it is also good to understand when you have to throw in the towel. No one wins all of the time. It is impossible. When you see that you continue to run into a brick wall time and time again, it may be time for a change. It can be tough to give up on a dream. But many successful people have had many dreams that failed. Even successful corporations have hit upon some real clinkers. They did not give up and they did not continue pouring time, energy, effort and money into something that wasn’t working. Sometimes, you just have to see that change is the only option. This works with conflict and strives as well as it does with bad ideas. If you continue to press and press, you will only anger yourself. And the angrier you get the more ineffective you become in your communication skills.

 

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...

The more resilient you are, the more you can succeed when it comes to conflict management. Just so it is clear here, being resilient is not being indecisive. It does not mean that you have no core values and are willing to do anything to avoid being part of a conflict. But it does mean that you are adaptable and realize that your way is not the only way to do things. Change is part of every day life. There is no avoiding it. Nothing in life is guaranteed. We are bound to face changes every day with our jobs, our relationship and everything else. Some people can easily adapt to change. Others get upset when the grocery store moves around the aisles. Once you realize that there is more than one way to do things in life, you will become a more resilient and happier person. Once you realize that it isn’t the end of the world if something does not go according to plan, you will feel more relaxed as a person and also be able to better handle conflict.

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...

Stress affects both the mind and the body in the most detrimental ways possible. It can force someone into a total mental breakdown and destroy them mentally and it can cause the immune system to virtually shut down, inviting in all sorts of disease, including cancer. We said it before in this workbook and we will continue to say that stress is a killer.  The mind goes through much turmoil when it comes to stress. No matter if the stress is self induced or is an outside stressor, the mind will end up shutting down emotionally so that it can cope with the constant stress. A person who is lively and active may become withdrawn when they are over stressed. This is because the mind can only handle a certain amount of stimulation at a time. When your body is over stressed, your mind will not be able to cope so it will shut down.

Eventually, stress will take its toll on you to the point where you cannot get up out of bed in the morning. You may be afraid to get up and leave the house. You may suffer from both...

Many people get assertiveness mixed up with being aggressive. This is not the case. It is always good to be assertive. Being assertive is a positive attribute in a human being. Being aggressive is negative.  Being assertive means that you are able to effectively communicate your needs to other people, listen to their needs and resolve conflict without compromising your core beliefs and values. People who are assertive are usually self confident and are those who end up getting what they want out of life.  If you want to build assertiveness, you have to be aware of the type of personality that you are currently reflecting as well as your communication style. Are you aggressive? This means that you have to tone down the aggression to be more positive. Assertiveness not only means that you are able to effectively communicate to others, but also that you have respect for other individuals and especially yourself. We are the premier provider of online anger management classes

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