How many times have you done or said the following: -Ignored a conflict that you had with a colleague only to take it out on a subordinate? -Did something that you really didn't want to do because you didn't want to make someone else mad? -Told off an innocent clerk in a store because you were really angry at someone or something else? -Avoided telling someone that you didn't want to see them anymore because you were afraid of their reaction and how it would affect you? -Had thoughts of revenge against a customer who treated you badly? -Had to listen to a customer who was abusive in an effort to keep your job? -Been abusive to a spouse or family member, either verbally or physically, because you were angry at something else? -Went along with a plan that you didn't like just to avoid conflict and then felt resentful the entire time? -Ran away from conflict by burying yourself in work or just ignoring the facts? -Lied about there being “nothing wrong” just because you don't want to take the trouble to examine the conflict?...

1. Think about your last conflict. How did you handle it?

2. How could you have handled it better?

3. Think of someone who you admire and how they handle conflict. What would they have

done?

4. What is the first step that you need to take to improve your conflict style?.

5. Realize that your values and beliefs have validity but that they are not the only values

and opinions in the world. That other people have different core beliefs and values.

6. Set a goal on examining your next conflict. If you fly off the handle easily, be aware of

that and behave just the opposite. You may walk away to keep yourself from screaming

at someone.

7. If you are passive or passive aggressive, recognize that you have to begin to voice your

opinions and that you have the right to do so.

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What happens if your idea goes over like a lead balloon? What happens if no one is interested in your idea? Do you continue to persist and for how long? While it is always good to be persistent, it is also good to understand when you have to throw in the towel. No one wins all of the time. It is impossible. When you see that you continue to run into a brick wall time and time again, it may be time for a change. It can be tough to give up on a dream. But many successful people have had many dreams that failed. Even successful corporations have hit upon some real clinkers. They did not give up and they did not continue pouring time, energy, effort and money into something that wasn’t working. Sometimes, you just have to see that change is the only option. This works with conflict and strives as well as it does with bad ideas. If you continue to press and press, you will only anger yourself. And the angrier you get the more ineffective you become in your communication skills.

 

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The more resilient you are, the more you can succeed when it comes to conflict management. Just so it is clear here, being resilient is not being indecisive. It does not mean that you have no core values and are willing to do anything to avoid being part of a conflict. But it does mean that you are adaptable and realize that your way is not the only way to do things. Change is part of every day life. There is no avoiding it. Nothing in life is guaranteed. We are bound to face changes every day with our jobs, our relationship and everything else. Some people can easily adapt to change. Others get upset when the grocery store moves around the aisles. Once you realize that there is more than one way to do things in life, you will become a more resilient and happier person. Once you realize that it isn’t the end of the world if something does not go according to plan, you will feel more relaxed as a person and also be able to better handle conflict.

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Stress affects both the mind and the body in the most detrimental ways possible. It can force someone into a total mental breakdown and destroy them mentally and it can cause the immune system to virtually shut down, inviting in all sorts of disease, including cancer. We said it before in this workbook and we will continue to say that stress is a killer.  The mind goes through much turmoil when it comes to stress. No matter if the stress is self induced or is an outside stressor, the mind will end up shutting down emotionally so that it can cope with the constant stress. A person who is lively and active may become withdrawn when they are over stressed. This is because the mind can only handle a certain amount of stimulation at a time. When your body is over stressed, your mind will not be able to cope so it will shut down.

Eventually, stress will take its toll on you to the point where you cannot get up out of bed in the morning. You may be afraid to get up and leave the house. You may suffer from both...

Many people get assertiveness mixed up with being aggressive. This is not the case. It is always good to be assertive. Being assertive is a positive attribute in a human being. Being aggressive is negative.  Being assertive means that you are able to effectively communicate your needs to other people, listen to their needs and resolve conflict without compromising your core beliefs and values. People who are assertive are usually self confident and are those who end up getting what they want out of life.  If you want to build assertiveness, you have to be aware of the type of personality that you are currently reflecting as well as your communication style. Are you aggressive? This means that you have to tone down the aggression to be more positive. Assertiveness not only means that you are able to effectively communicate to others, but also that you have respect for other individuals and especially yourself. We are the premier provider of online anger management classes

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Conflict will occur when you do not have respect for the other feelings of another individual or when they do not have respect for you. You can try to deflect conflict by using positive communication skills as discussed in this book. You will know when you are in conflict as it will consist of unproductive, negative communication. If conflict can be briefly defined – that is the perfect definition. While there is good conflict, negative conflict is defined by negative communication. If it continues, it can keep on escalating. Not too many people are happy when they are embroiled in a conflict. While some seem to thrive on drama, they are usually very unhappy people who suffer from an inferiority complex and need to be the center of attention. For the most part, people try to avoid conflict. How do you identify and resolve conflict? For an exercise, try to think of the last time you experienced conflict in your life. It can be something trivial or a major conflict at work or home. Do you remember the events that led up to the conflict? Could you have stopped the conflict...

When you are stressed out, you are not aware of what is going on around you. You feel that it is all you can do to get through the day and to the next day. Stress can make you feel as though you are just existing, instead of living. You will wake up in the morning scared and anxious and go to bed the same way. This takes it toll on you every single day. Stress is a killer. It is very important to be emotionally aware of what is going on in your life and in the lives of others. In order to be an emotionally competent person, you have to be emotionally aware. But when you are under a great deal of stress, this can be almost impossible to do. You will feel as though you can only focus on one thing and that is whatever it is that is stressing you out.

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Are you the type of person who feels as though they have to be in control of every conversation? Do you have a different type of conversation style with your boss than you do with your contemporaries? Perhaps it is time for you to let go of control and start to communicate with other individuals in a respectful manner.

If you constantly feel as though you have to be in control of the conversation at all times, how do you think it makes the other person or people with whom you are talking feel? Chances are thatit makes them feel pretty insignificant as if their thoughts and feelings do not matter. They may even be intimidated by your control tactics into remaining silent. This is not good for anyoneinvolved. How are you supposed to have a relationship with anyone if you have no idea what they are thinking?

In order to be emotionally competent, you need to be aware of the needs of others as well as yourself. Before you can use techniques to build greater awareness, ask yourself honestly if you are selfish or selfless. Selfish people are those who cannot consider the feelings of someone else. They can only think of their own feelings, like infants. They are usually called out for being selfish and may have trouble with all types of relationships – including personal and business relationships. If you fall between the two opposites, you most likely have to build awareness about other people as well as yourself.

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