Many people get assertiveness mixed up with being aggressive. This is not the case. It is always good to be assertive. Being assertive is a positive attribute in a human being. Being aggressive is negative.  Being assertive means that you are able to effectively communicate your needs to other people, listen to their needs and resolve conflict without compromising your core beliefs and values. People who are assertive are usually self confident and are those who end up getting what they want out of life.  If you want to build assertiveness, you have to be aware of the type of personality that you are currently reflecting as well as your communication style. Are you aggressive? This means that you have to tone down the aggression to be more positive. Assertiveness not only means that you are able to effectively communicate to others, but also that you have respect for other individuals and especially yourself. We are the premier provider of online anger management classes

...

Conflict will occur when you do not have respect for the other feelings of another individual or when they do not have respect for you. You can try to deflect conflict by using positive communication skills as discussed in this book. You will know when you are in conflict as it will consist of unproductive, negative communication. If conflict can be briefly defined – that is the perfect definition. While there is good conflict, negative conflict is defined by negative communication. If it continues, it can keep on escalating. Not too many people are happy when they are embroiled in a conflict. While some seem to thrive on drama, they are usually very unhappy people who suffer from an inferiority complex and need to be the center of attention. For the most part, people try to avoid conflict. How do you identify and resolve conflict? For an exercise, try to think of the last time you experienced conflict in your life. It can be something trivial or a major conflict at work or home. Do you remember the events that led up to the conflict? Could you have stopped the conflict...

When you are stressed out, you are not aware of what is going on around you. You feel that it is all you can do to get through the day and to the next day. Stress can make you feel as though you are just existing, instead of living. You will wake up in the morning scared and anxious and go to bed the same way. This takes it toll on you every single day. Stress is a killer. It is very important to be emotionally aware of what is going on in your life and in the lives of others. In order to be an emotionally competent person, you have to be emotionally aware. But when you are under a great deal of stress, this can be almost impossible to do. You will feel as though you can only focus on one thing and that is whatever it is that is stressing you out.

We are the premier provider of online anger management classes

...

Are you the type of person who feels as though they have to be in control of every conversation? Do you have a different type of conversation style with your boss than you do with your contemporaries? Perhaps it is time for you to let go of control and start to communicate with other individuals in a respectful manner.

If you constantly feel as though you have to be in control of the conversation at all times, how do you think it makes the other person or people with whom you are talking feel? Chances are thatit makes them feel pretty insignificant as if their thoughts and feelings do not matter. They may even be intimidated by your control tactics into remaining silent. This is not good for anyoneinvolved. How are you supposed to have a relationship with anyone if you have no idea what they are thinking?

In order to be emotionally competent, you need to be aware of the needs of others as well as yourself. Before you can use techniques to build greater awareness, ask yourself honestly if you are selfish or selfless. Selfish people are those who cannot consider the feelings of someone else. They can only think of their own feelings, like infants. They are usually called out for being selfish and may have trouble with all types of relationships – including personal and business relationships. If you fall between the two opposites, you most likely have to build awareness about other people as well as yourself.

We are the premier provider of online anger management classes.

 

...

Emotions are often referred to as action feelings. They are how we react when something happens to disrupt our lives, either in a good way or a bad way. In some cases, people feel emotions even if not in a conflict with another person. Sometimes, just thinking about a conflict is enough to bring on a rush of emotions. Emotions are not always happy. They can run the full gamut from devastated to gleeful. It is important to realize that not everyone reacts in the same way to conflict. While one person may cry when presented with a conflict, another may remain silent. Another may shout. Everyone has a different way of dealing with their emotions. Some will keep everything hidden and others will, as they say, let it all hang out.

We are the premier provider of anger management classes.

 

Carlos Todd,LPC,NCC,CAMF

Online Conflict Coach

www.masteringanger.com

...

Conflict is all around us all of the time. It is conflict that usually forces us to make decisions that we use in our everyday lives. When we think about conflict, we often imagine it to be bad conflict. Bad conflict it that which stresses us out and makes us either angry or scared. Good conflict is all around us. It usually involves us making some sort of choice. When we go out to eat, for example, we cannot possibly order all of the food on the menu, no matter how good it looks. This is an example of a good conflict. For most people, the choice on a menu will not deter them from eating out. They will welcome this conflict as it gives them an opportunity to make a decision. In this case, the decision will be what they should eat for dinner. Most of us do not welcome bad conflict into our lives, yet yet it comes in anyway. Bad conflict is that which causes us some sort of stress. The reason that bad conflict causes us stress is because we do not know how to handle it. The more we can learn how to resolve conflict...

We talked earlier about not making accusatory statements against others when communicating. This is because it puts the other person on the defensive. Instead, you should focus on the positive - which is how the other person’s actions or statements made you feel. No one can argue with you for having feelings and you are more than entitled to them. Instead of using terms like “you always forget to close the window,” you are better off to use a term like “I get cold when the window is open. Can you please remember to close it? Using “I” statements shows more respect for the feelings of the other person. You are no longer putting them on the defensive and are deflecting any sort of communication to yourself. This eliminates the potential of a conflict in communication style.

Even if you are right when it comes to a potential conflict, such as your partner leaves the bedroom window open all the time, forgets to close it, despite being told repeatedly, and it rains while you are at work, soaking the room, you...

If you are heading towards conflict, you may feel a sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach. Many people feel this way when they know that something is going to evolve into conflict - you are far from alone. The best way to deal with conflict that is entering in your life it so diffuse it.  How do you do that?

Follow these techniques to diffuse potential conflict:

Identify pending conflict. Learn to recognize stilted communication and hostile behavior before it escalates. Conflict is often like a boiling pot. It starts out simmering, but then, if the heat stays on, it turns into a full boil. If left covered up, the water will run all over the stove and make a mess. Conflict is something of the same. You don’t want it to run all over the stove, so nip it in the bud

Communicate in a positive manner. Using “I” statements, you should talk to the person with whom you are having the conflict and, without making...

Negative communication gets you nowhere. Examples of negative communication are as follows:

Shouting Silent treatments Slamming doors or punching walls Nasty e-mails Name calling These are just a few examples of how communication can be non-productive and negative. None of the above is really effective at anything except for relieving a sore temper.Shouting never solves anything. There is an old saying that during an argument, whoever resorts to shouting first loses. The only reason for shouting is if someone cannot hear you. In most cases, it is used to try to stress how angry another person is. If you catch yourself shouting at another individual, you are losing the argument. You are not being productive you are just creating more animosity.

Want a remedy for shouting? Be aware of the fact that shouting is non productive. If you catch yourself shouting, STOP. Right away! You are not helping your cause; instead you are merely escalating a conflict

We are the premier provider of anger management classes.

...