By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:13 PM
Something happened after 9/11 that has not been talked about much. Those of us who are specifically trained and run exclusive anger management practices experienced a rise in anger management referrals. The responsible anger management facilitator should ask the question “why?” The answers may give us clues to the origins of anger and the possible triggers.
Let me be honest, I am an immigrant to the United States and would be the first to admit that I have a magical view of the United States. It is the only place on earth where the dreams to be self-actualized is valued. It is an open society where dreams are made real for almost anyone. To inspire this kind of optimism requires an emotionally intelligent nation that sees the value of human endeavor and creates a safe and structured environment to facilitate the development of its human capital. Large portions of its citizens must have the need for food, shelter and security met. The nation must also be heavily defended so that the citizens feel they are...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:12 PM
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:10 PM
To understand the connection between anger and the other emotions a military analogy would be apt. It is helpful to see the other emotions (fear, sadness, jealousy, confusion…), as the early warning progressing through the use of accelerated force to defend something we hold dear. If these warnings are ignored, anger is the final force option available to emotionally protect us. Therefore the use of effective communication is critical to communicate our needs and to avoid the use of “accelerated force.”
We are the premier provider of anger management classes.
Carlos Todd,LPC,NCC,CAMF
Online Conflict Coach
www.masteringanger.com
www.angeronmymind.com
...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:10 PM
There maybe some dispute about what emotions are; however there is no doubt that they have an important role in our psychological and physical health. The reality is that the more emotionally intelligent one is, the more likely one is able to identify and interpret the meaning their own and the emotions of others accurately. Although it may seem simplistic, misinterpreting emotion can create at the very least embarrassing situations and at the most a series of missteps that can ruin careers and marriages.
Emotions are early warning signals that there is something amidst. Interestingly emotions, I would argue, are mental interpretations of physical symptoms. What do I mean? For example when one feels fear it is a combination of physical reactions like increased heart rate, sweating etc. The mind then interprets this cluster of physical reactions as FEAR. The same is true for all emotions. The point is that to ignore our emotions is to eventually create a state of defensiveness that makes the individual more...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:09 PM
A client of mine recently remarked that the problem with counseling is that it just went backward. The probing into the past never was any help to her. Anger management however is a forward moving process that is akin to coaching. It recognizes deficiencies in four areas– anger management, stress management, communcation skills and emotional intelligence– and sets time limited goals reduce the incidents of inappropriate anger. For many who struggle with anger the trained anger management facilitator is the best solutions.
We are the premier provider of anger management classes.
Carlos Todd,LPC,NCC,CAMF
Online Conflict Coach
www.masteringanger.com
www.angeronmymind.com
...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:08 PM
Each of us carry an “emotional signature.” This concept referrers to a cluster of emotions that define where we are emotionally. This cluster is called an emotional signature. Are you feeling trapped, cornered, overworked, “vision-less”, uninspired and hopeless? Do you feel lively, hopeful, infinite, fulfilled, open and motivated? Then each of these form a cluster of emotions that determine a persons signature. Knowing your signature has much to do with how one manages his or her anger. The good news is that our emotional signature is variable and can be modified.
We are the premier provider of anger management classes.
Carlos Todd,LPC,NCC,CAMF
Online Conflict Coach
www.masteringanger.com
www.angeronmymind.com...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:07 PM
Here is a simple example of how thinking can be influenced by stress and other factors eventually leading to anger outburst. Those of us who have young kids all know of the toys lying on the living room floor. Is it not interesting that there are some days were you could not care less about the toys then other days the same toys lead to an angry reaction.
Such experiences reinforce the idea that it is thinking angrily about an even not the event itself that causes problems. Therefore it would be wise to check the angry feelings and see them as a signal that some emotional need is not meet. To lash out at others is equivalent to emotional avoidance.
We are the premier provider of anger management classes.
Carlos Todd,LPC,NCC,CAMF
Online Conflict Coach
www.masteringanger.com
www.angeronmymind.com...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:07 PM
Out of respect for those who serve and protect the health of our nation, let me first say that the use of the term disruptive referring to nurses and doctors who present with anger management problems oversimplify a much more complex problem that needs a deeper analysis. William Bridges in his book Transitions, describes change as having three distinct components —the end, neutral zone and the beginning. He further purports that the neutral zone is the most difficult stage where the person or system going through the change is in a kind of no mans land, trying to find its place to a new beginning. Let me suggest that our country’s health care system is in that no mans lands. While I will never excuse the abusive behavior that is displayed by some doctors or nurses, it is helpful to determine the roots of this emerging problem.
Anger management problems are always associated with problems managing stress, not knowing how to communicate effectively and poor emotional intelligence. My work with doctors, and...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:06 PM
Anger is selfish. It seeks the survival of its own. Anger is not interested in dialogue with the outside world, only the self defeating dialogue that protect the beliefs and ideas that keep anger alive. This is the negative self talk that says that, “I am right and you are wrong end of discussion.” It is the minds last resort to protect all that the individual holds dear.
Anger is rigid, unyielding and protectionist. Maybe this is part of the primitive mechanism to protect us from ourselves when we decide to not meet our emotional needs or meet these needs incorrectly. It is a last ditch attempt to set a boundary that says this is what I believe—I will say here, you stay over there. Sometimes our other emotions have told us through the emotional cues what we love, what we hate, what makes us happy, and what makes us sad. However these signals are ignored and when the mind can no longer allow in foreign emotional content or is emotionally starved anger steps in and closes the door.
The beauty of...
|
By Carlos Todd on
5/30/2008 4:05 PM
Confronting the problems in our lives and living an authentic existence can be elusive for many. Some of us hate to confront the things that are enviably making us unhappy. We hear our emotions telling us that that we need to make changes in our job, marriage, health and life’s focus yet we ignore and AVOID these signals to our detriment.
All of us know intuitively what is good for us and what is not so good but for some it is just too hard to deal with the emotional upheaval that will result when we decide to make a change. However, no matter how we try to avoid change, our emotions signal the existence of problems through feelings of fear, anxiety, apprehension, frustration, exhaustion, depression and discomfort. Some fail to listen, and the result is a feeling of vulnerability and defensiveness.
This defensiveness creates hyper-vigilance. Such hyper-vigilance is like proverbially living with the hand on the gun. Any perceived attack by the outside world, whether it be from another driver, spouse,...
|